I’m totally stretched thin at the moment – and everything is great. GG has taken to cutting his nighttime stretch down to 9.5 hours and so unless I go straight to bed once he drops off, you can imagine how much sleep I’m getting. I’m recruiting multiple positions at work which is a job in itself – not to mention that I need to cover all the work that’s not being done, too. The nausea of the first trimester has worn off and instead now I get charming three-day-long hormonal headaches that feel like a vice grip on the back of my eyes and the back of my neck. At fleeting moments throughout the day I think of inspired blog posts ideas but I just never seem to find a moment – I’m constantly exhausted. Sleep or even just rest always trumps.
So I decided I would just babble this post out right now, post it and then go to bed. Not spend too long polishing it and trying to make it perfect and brilliant. Just to report this:
I’m actually starting to get excited about this pregnancy.
I thought that after the scan at 12 weeks I’d relax and that would be that, but it didn’t quite play out that way. I was still nervous for weeks, I felt weird talking about the pregnancy. I guess I just didn’t feel 100% confident that the neural tube defect had been ruled out. It still felt like a maybe.
Then the week before last we had our next scan, an hour-long, millimeter by millimeter examination of the growing fetus – and everything is great. That’s when it happened – I exhaled, let it all go, and felt myself slip back into my usual status quo of optimism. Everything’s gonna be fine; these two losses were just bad luck. GG’s gonna have a little sister. And it’s fucking exciting.