Sometimes I feel like such a sucker,
sitting here in the dark as you both get yourselves off to sleep.
You’re meant to be able to do this yourselves already.
But I see you so little,
just the beginning and end of every day, really,
and every moment is precious.
I snuggle you into your beds,
kiss your little heads,
tell you that I love you…
already thinking about the cup of tea I’m going to make myself,
the work to get done,
washing to fold,
perhaps an episode of The Good Wife.
Please, drop off quickly tonight.
But invariably one of you didn’t get enough hugs this evening,
one of you is battling sleep for one reason or another,
one of you is overtired.
And as you climb out of your beds and into my arms,
I try to focus on how sweet your little nuzzling head is,
instead of how much work I still need to get done before I can relax.
I hold you,
sometimes for 5 minutes and sometimes for an hour.
And more than any other time during the day I feel that you are mine and I am yours.
That all you need is me,
and that’s all I have to give.
Eventually you’re both in your beds again,
and I will you off to sleep in my heart.
Sometimes holding a little hand or rubbing a back.
Come on now,
you can do it.
Just let go.
And when the crying or whimpering or singing or muttering or whatever bedtime remix the evening brings has simmered down,
when both of your breathing slows,
and the room is still, ahh.
I love you so much when you’re asleep.
This moment of heavy heads and synchronized breathing has a special magic to it.
Maybe I am a sucker,
This feels right for me,
Good night my loves,